Sharp Curves Ahead

Some days I feel completely ready to navigate the steep learning curve of pregnancy and parenting, and other days I’m not sure why God even trusts me with another human being.

Most of this has to do with the amount of sleep I got the night before.

Good night’s sleep?

sleep

Practical, logical, methodical, and considerate thinking ahead.

No sleep?

bad sleep

RAR.

RAR.RAR.RAR.

I’m a beast.

And not in that sexy, gettin’ it in the gym kind of way.

beast mode

More in that, I hate my husband because he did all the dishes, started the laundry, ran to the store to buy me fresh fruit, took care of the dogs and got the coffee pot ready, but OHMYGAWD he didn’t take the laundry out of the dryer.

I might as well do EVERYTHING myself.

Sorry, P-Daddy.

It’s not you.

It’s the bile and acid that burn a fiery, fiery black death into my throat and mouth all night long.

You know that joke about “vomiting in my mouth a little bit?”

It’s less funny between the continuous hours of 7:00PM and 8:00AM.

And it gets even more irritated by dagger-y like things such as  oatmeal and water.

Oatmeal

And then I think about how I’m going to be a cranky, mean-y pants Mom because I’m all Jekyll and sleep deprived.

That is, until I get a good nights rest and then I’m the funnest, most awesomest person on the planet.

Well, not really, but I at least put the bear claws away.

The good news this week is that we had another OB appointment!

This time, with courteous professionals that congratulated us,  made eye contact, explained everything, and seemed genuinely interested to be working with other humans.

We took a quick listen to the heartbeat (150 bpm strong!) and set up some future appointments.

If I didn’t have the “glow” before, I certainly did after leaving the new office.

I can finally rest easy knowing we will be in very kind,  capable hands.

The other good news is that I rummaged up some energy to actually go to an actual store to research some baby things.

You know, instead of YouTubing, Amazoning, and E-Baying it.

So now I think I finally might have the concept of the different types of baby carriers and cloth diapers.

It was a small, locally owned shop and the owner gave us full tutorials on everything.

We stocked up on a couple of different kinds of cloth diapers including the All-In-Ones and a newer kind that simply consists of a cover and a snap(!) insert. The benefit of the latter is that you can re-use the same cover 2-3 times before washing which saves both time and money.

 All in one

snap in diaper

We figure if we can use cloth diapers most of the time, we’ll be able to save over $1500 long term, and that’s with an initial investment of about $400.00.

However, we’re hoping to save even more money by inheriting some cloth diapers from friends and purchasing the rest on e-bay.

Since I now also have a better grasp on the different types of baby carriers, I’m hoping to thrift store and E-Bay some carriers as well, because those suckers are EXPENSIVE.

The truth is carriers are like athletic gear.

Each kind has different benefits for different activities.

So, if I can finagle it, I’d like a ring sling for quick trips, a wrap carrier for comfort, and something akin to a backpack system for hikes and long walks.

ring sling

moby wrap

And P-Daddy even snagged this one online for $6 (the cuteness!)

eddie-bauer-front-carrier_7158187_175

And now, even though two wonderfully kind couples helped us decipher the stroller section of Target, I’m not even that worried about a stroller anymore because I can carry the babe until I figure out what kind of stroller suits our lifestyle the best.

I still want to give a shout out to the random parents in Target though. They pointed out features that I would have never, ever even thought about and it was so great to have their input.

So, thank you random Target friends, for laughing with us and not at us while we spent 25 minutes trying to collapse a stroller, and then finally helping us figure it out.

It takes a village, right?

PS…can I leave the kid with you when I wake up with my bear claws out?

Ya’ll seem like legit nice folk that aren’t a mean-y pants like me.

But Thin Mints are now Vegan.

Can’t be mean for long with that kind of information.

Vegan Thin Mints

Oh, the thinks you will think

I had approximately two thoughts this week.

thinking-cap

That’s all there was room for.

Blood no longer flows to my brain apparently.

First thought:

Being pregnant is awkward.

There’s just no other way to describe it. I’m not vomiting, nauseous, sick, or in pain, but I find the rapid pace of bodily changes awkward, to say the least.

Suddenly body parts are in my way during the most menial of tasks.  I sound like an old person just trying to get my socks on in the morning.

putonsocks_l

Oomph! Let me just hoist this leg up over the other leg. Oops, didn’t account for the immobile hips and box of rocks in my belly. Let me just try that again once or twice. 

And it’s not even like I’m far along (17 weeks) or all that large, but things are growing and expanding at light speeds and things just get in my way.

Also, I’m pretty sure I can physically feel my uterus and every ligament in my body stretching and expanding.

I mean I can detect each and every millimeter of movement.

Trying to put on any type of fitted pant only confirms my suspicions.

And I had no idea how hard exercise was going to be. If it’s not my congested sinuses, the decreased lung capacity, the chronic fatigue, or the general desire to sleep for 16 hours a day, it’s the fact that everything is just so much harder now.

Again, the belly isn’t big, I just feel like one big blob of awkwardness.

I learned that during pregnancy, the body releases a hormone called relaxin.

Well, if that doesn’t sound like a tropical vacation of bodily functions, I don’t know what does.

tropical-vacation-packages

I was under the impression this “relaxin” would be like living in a tropical rainforest where I swing gently from palm trees and rest in a blanket of warm banana leaves while I sip the water from a fresh coconut.

coconut-water-6f51be99d73fb9aacd1358747aea2de85aa4d2ff-s6-c30

Do you know what relaxin actually does?

Relaxes every muscle fiber in your body so you can widen and  spread up, out, and around.

So, in other words, a blob.

I also thought it was going to make me some sort of elite yogi, but it turns out I spend all of my time in two yoga poses trying to battle some seemingly early onset back pain.

Essentially a roll around on the floor in this pose:

happybabypose

I find it ironic that it’s known as the “happy baby” pose.

The peanut is probably laughing at me from the inside out.

After I’m done rolling around, I  spend the rest of my time in this pose:

childs pose

It’s called child’s pose and I’m thinking of adding an Alanis Morrisette soundtrack just to make  it an ironic trifecta.

Second thought:

Baby gear is extremely overwhelming. 

The sheer amount of products, options, choices, variations, reviews, and just “stuff” is mind-boggling.

Not to mention it all comes with parts and language that are completely foreign.

I’ve been trying to solve the mystery of cloth diapers since week six.

diaper-outlet-pictures

I had to give up on strollers and car seats because smoke started coming out of my ears trying to sort it all out.

stroller

And don’t get me started on baby carriers.

Ergocarrier

Wraps, slings, moby’s, ergos, front carriers, back carriers, side carriers…..

You know what kind of carrier I’m thinking of using?

arm-2

Arms.

I’m just gonna use my arms.

They’re free and will need a good workout after all that relaxin I’ve been doing.

Seriously though, P-Daddy and I want to go minimalist.

Trying to prepare and purchase everything a baby might need is like trying to decorate a house without ever actually having seen said house.

I would honestly prefer to purchase the absolute necessities before the babe’s arrival and then figure out the other things that we’ll need after the babe is born.

Is it wrong to register for all gift cards?

Gift-Cards

It seems so much more logical than playing the guessing game of things we think we might need.

We have a teeny, tiny little house and I just can’t imagine that such a teeny, tiny little person will require much more than  food, a crib, warm snuggly things, and cuddles for the first few weeks.

Am I wrong?

What’s on your must-have list?

Please make sure all of your responses are in English and “Parenting for the completely naive” type language.

Keep calm and carry on!

(No matter which type of carrier you decide to use)

!

Do you hear what I hear?

I learned that the babe has working ears this week.

I thought I was gonna be all lullabies and bedtime stories, but it turns out we’re really into classic rock right now.

And a few alternative jams for good measure.

Here’s what I sing to the babe.

Loudly.

In the shower.

And in the car.

Except at stoplights when there’s a car next to me. Then I bring it down to a stage whisper.

Or at least turn my head and scream it in the opposite direction.

For those about to rock, we (me and the babe) solute you:

Ozzy Osbourne

ozzy osbourne

Particularly anything  everything from the No More Tears and Osmosis albums.

no more tears osmosis

Tom Petty

tom petty greatest hits

Give me all your greatest hits, please.

Journey

journey

I will never stop believing.

Alice Cooper

alice cooper

Because I’m way past 18 but still get confused everyday.

Vance Joy

riptide

It’s hard to be mad while I’m day dreaming about rip tides.

J. Roddy Walston and the Business

take it as it comes

Because it reminds me to take things as they come.

Tove Lo

Tove-Lo-Habits

I liked this months before it hit mainstream and I liked it better when it was masquerading as alternative and not pop, but it still doesn’t stop me from giving the babe’s ears a sound check.

AWOL Nation

awolnationALBUM

Because I can blame it on my A.D.D, baby.

Hozier

Hozier

Work Song

From Eden

Take Me to Church

Because all of his songs sing to my soul and therefore get special encores in my super acoustic shower stall.

The babe’s theme song is buried on one of these albums.

babemusic

Any guesses?

16 weeks!