A Brave, New World

Squish is 10 days old today.

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So much has happened in the last 10 days, it’s hard to think all the way back to the day Squish came into the world.

Monday, June 22nd at 12:08 PM.

I want to try to capture the moment, but I feel like words can not encapsulate the enormity of the experience.

The day before the scheduled Cesarian Section, it was as if all emotion had left me.

I had plum run out of the ability to feel the anxiety, nervousness, fear, and excitement that had been coursing through my brain and body for the past nine months.

And the knowledge that Squish was  a mere few hours away from arrival was almost too big to comprehend.

So P-Daddy and I spent our last day as a twosome at church, lounging in the backyard Oasis, and doing relaxation yoga.

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The next morning, the day of the C-section, P-Daddy indulged me in one more yoga and meditation session.

Then we hugged and kissed my Mom goodbye and we were off to have a baby!

It was all still so hard to comprehend and I sort of floated through the motions.

We checked into the hospital and they immediately started prepping me for surgery.

Still, nothing felt real.

I was focused on the surgery prep and trying to waylay to anxiety that was creeping in.

The prep consisted of lots of questions, a blood draw, and hooking me up to the IV.

The nurse explained how the procedure would work and I met with the anesthesiologist who would be administering the spinal block.

We all made casual conversation as if my life wasn’t going to change forever in a matter of minutes.

P-Daddy had to wait in the prep room while I got the spinal block so I hugged the bejeezus out of the pillow they gave me  and prayed while the anesthesiologist poked and prodded my spine with a needle.

There were a few flash moments of searing pain, but in the end it was far less painful than what I had imagined.

I was told P-Daddy would then be escorted in the room.

Things moved quickly from there.

The doctor performing the procedure, whom I had met only moments before, quickly went to work as soon as my lower half was numb.

P-Daddy wasn’t even in the room yet and they were already slicing into my torso.

I was staring into blindingly bright surgical lights since the curtain draped at my shoulders was blocking my view from the happenings below.

I felt a bit like the bride of Frankenstein splayed out on the table with my arms restrained and felt totally numb from the breast line down.

I actually started to laugh.

This was all so surreal.

And ridiculous.

In minutes, they would be pulling a baby out of my belly.

P-Daddy was finally brought into the room and he squeezed my hand tight while a nurse to my right explained everything that was happening.

“Just a few more minutes” she kept saying.

I couldn’t hear what the doctors were saying but I’m pretty sure it was the equivalent of talking about the day’s weather and what people were ordering for lunch.

So, so surreal. 

I could feel no pain.

I can only describe the feeling as receiving a gentle belly massage.

I was told the worst of it would feel like extreme tugging, but it never felt like much more tummy rub.

I kept laughing at how perpostrous the whole situation was.

Not moments later I was told the procedure was done.

Squish was whisked  a few feet away to be measured and weighed and P-Daddy was allowed to follow and take pictures.

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I was a little relieved.

I wasn’t ready for her yet.

I was still in a state of utter disbelief and just could not grasp the fact that I had a daughter that was across the room crying.

I could hear everyone chattering about, but my mind was sort of dreamy and hazy.

P-Daddy tried to show me a picture of the fresh Squish, but I shooed his phone away.

I needed to see her face to face.

A few minutes later she was on my snuggled onto my chest.

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Because I was still strapped down and restrained, I could hardly see her despite my contortion like neck movements.

She remained there while my innards were sewn back into place.

I’m not going to lie.

I was still in shock and had very little emotion initially.

Disbelief was the word of the day because it stayed with me for probably the first 12 hours.

I just could not believe I had my own little human.

We were then moved to the recovery room where the snuggle fest continued.

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Finally I could see her dark hair, pleasantly round face, and perfectly pursed little pink lips.

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She weighed 7 pounds 4 ounces and was 21 inches long.

Perfection.

The lactation consultants descended quickly and attempted to help us establish breastfeeding.

My Mom arrived in no time and we would finally introduce the world to our daughter.

Our daughter.

Sadie Jane Bodnar.

A few short hours later we were transferred to our hospital room where we would discover each other for the next four days.

Somewhere around the first evening, I turned into every parenting cliche ever.

My heart was starting to swell and would damn near explode by the second night.

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I suddenly felt like nothing else in the whole wide world mattered.

I was awakened to the fact that I was now a Mom to the most perfect human being God ever created.

I realized that I would chop off limbs and run through fire if it meant the my girl would be safe and secure.

And my eyes would spontaneously leak from the intense joy and love I felt for the Squish and our new family.

When my sister surprised us after traveling all night from Michigan, I could barely contain the flood of emotion.

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Everything was just all too perfect.

So perfect that I couldn’t understand why God would give me such an incredible blessing.

Though the next four days were chaotic  and filled with doctors, nurses, social workers, lactation consultants, blood pressure and temperature checks, and newborn screenings, I couldn’t help but thank God for every single second of it.

And then came the biggest cliche of all: I felt like I was literally born to do this.

I could probably write a whole other post about those first days in the hospital, but I don’t know that I will.

Time is already moving so quickly that sometimes I can’t catch my breath.

The future of the blog is uncertain.

While I may not write weekly posts, I would like to keep friends and family afar up to date on our parenting trials and tribulations and little miss Sadie Jane’s new world experiences.

So you may find us here between feedings (do they ever stop eating?!?!), diaper changes, and the sleepy hours where I just can’t peel myself away from staring at those preciously pinch-able cheeks.

And so, that is the story of how Sadie Jane Bodnar was welcomed into our world.

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I hope you’ll continue to follow us on the journey!

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One thought on “A Brave, New World

  1. John, Shanna & Sadie
    I’ve known John for many, many years and have followed your blog from the beginning. I cannot say enough how happy I am for your family & sweet baby girl. Becoming parents is single handed the best thing ever in life. Please cherish the moments, as they grow up too quickly and while some days seem to drag on, the years pass by quickly. I hope if you’re ever in the Indiana / Michigan area again soon, I’d love to meet you personally Shanna & get to meet baby Sadie. ❤ Congratulations Bodnar Family!

    Like

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